So we said this month that we're going to do Mental Health Awareness, I will be doing reviews and other nonsense in between as well, but I will aim to get out 1 mental health post per week until the end of March. Now so nobody feels singled out here I'm going to start it off with my answers to the same questions I have asked everyone else,
I'm usually a pretty open person these days about my mental health issues because apparently it is supposed to help me feel more at ease with myself which in turn might help me start to like myself a little more each day.
I won't change anybodies answers, I won't reword them or anything.. They will 100% be just as they have told me.
Here it goes with the questions then my friends.
1. Introduce yourself! Tell us about yourself and what you're into.
Hey, I'm Terri, I'm 26 years old and a mother to 3 awesome little guys. I like reading, writing, drawing, singing and playing video games (I've gotten pretty good at FPS now when I'm not agitated) Basically I like doing everything that means that I don't have to go outside and interact with people in public.
2. What's your mental health issue? Tell us about it.
I have BPD, which for those of you that don't understand that is a Borderline Personality Disorder, I have a few other problems too but we'll just highlight my BPD as my main one. To put it bluntly, most of my bpd means I suffer the inability to control my own emotions, sometimes I hallucinate, a lot of the time I hear things and voices (not sure if that is even related to my BPD, but it concerns me and my doctors so maybe it is - Might also be why I have to continue having tests done and stuff) Sometimes it means I can't function outside of the house, sometimes it means I can't even function inside the house. It affects my relationships and pretty much everything that I do in my life.
3. When did it start?
At first it was thought that I just had a severe case of Depression and this was from the age of about 11/12 I think. After many years of trial and error, tests and what not it was later discovered (when I was 22) that I in fact had BPD, at first they found that I had a personality disorder but couldn't pin point the exact kind then it was later revealed that it was BPD with manic episodes (akin to schitzophrenia episodes)
4. How do you feel being diagnosed?
Relieved, in a way it makes a lot of sense to me, being diagnosed has given me some closure as to the way I am, it makes more sense to me now. I'm not going to lie, I haven't fully digested the fact that I'm actually labelled something that can be life threatening to me if left untreated and unmanaged but, it gives me a slight bit of closure and means I have something I can focus on i.e, getting a better hold on my illness so that I can start to put my life back on track.
5. How does it affect your daily life?
As I said, sometimes it leaves me emotionless.. Numb shall we say, I can't do anything, I dont want to do anything, I lack motivation to get out of bed, to get dressed and do anything even as simple as drinking a cup of coffee.. If it wasn't for my partner on my very very bad days I would not only not get out of bed but I wouldn't drink or eat either. I am my own worst enemy. It affects the way I think and see the world and situations, I overreact, don't react enough.. I cry when I should laugh, I laugh when I should be scared/crying. I say the wrong thing, I get confused often and easily, I lose my train of thought often to, It messes with everything including my relationships. I constantly feel guilty towards everyone in my life because of the way I am, I am constantly suspicious of everything and everyone. A simple act of kindness and I will question it, I always think people are talking behind my back and will leave when it suits them. Pretty much it affects my whole life and everything that I do.
6. Are you treated differently because of it?
Most certainly, I know that people mean well mostly, but I do get treated like I'm a fragile flower, like I'm broken and need to be fixed.. I just don't know how I can express it more to people that I'm just different.
7. What advice would you give to someone suffering from the same thing or similar symptoms?
SEEK HELP! Literally if you think something is a miss with how you're acting, how you're feeling seek professional help, there is plenty of help out there. Don't see it as a weakness, you're not weak if anything you are a strong kickass person for battling with yourself daily and seeking help for it, because who's the worst enemy you could ever have.. yourself!
8. Do you know of any helpful groups?
It would be interesting if anyone knew of any online groups that I could actually be apart of, I used to have a group of people whom I saw regularly when I did group therapy, we came from all walks of life, different mental health issues and we were the top end of the 'crazies' so to speak meaning we had to be closely monitored... Unfortunately, they were all sectioned for their own safety, which honestly makes me worry about myself... but I would like to think I'm hanging on strong and will pull through to prove that mental health problems aren't always doom and gloom.
9. Future plans/goals?
Really it's more of a pipeline dream at the moment because of how crazily hectic my life is and head is, but I want to be an English teacher and teach abroad, I know it's probably impossible because I probably will never have enough of a hold on my emotions and everything to be able to handle tense situations that may arise whilst teaching... But just the thought of it keeps me going and gives me something to focus my energy towards. Goal wise is to get a better hold on my illness, understand it more and be kinder to myself, more forgiving.
Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed my little tale, it's sad but true for a lot of people suffering that they feel it is a weakness to ask for help but I can fully assure you, asking for help when you can no longer take it is not weakness but is in fact a great strength.
You're a strong individual but you just need someone to help you carry the weight whilst you rest, that's perfectly normal I promise you!
Love to you all! x